At first I wanted my child to be a surprise, for the Doctor to tell me what I had been carrying this whole time when they placed the baby on me. My husband wasn’t on board for that plan, he wanted to know right away what it would be. I thought of having only him know and keeping it a surprise for me but my husband can’t keep a secret and the more I thought about it and went to the stores I had to know! I wanted to buy for this baby and be prepared. Who was I kidding, it sounds like a wonderful idea but I’m one of those people who like to be prepared and know everything at least a day in advance. For the past month and some weeks I’ve counted down the weeks and days till I could find out what my little one in me was going to be. I spent sleepless nights dreaming of what the baby shower would look like for a boy or girl. Hours researching gender cakes & how I wanted to tell everyone. Many a night planning out everything for each gender.
Everyone put in their opinion of what they thought this little one would be & most said, “boy”, including the ancient and all wise Chinese calender.
I feel like finding out what your own baby will be is one of the most exciting things that can happen. The decision to create a life and take care of that person your whole life with as much love and happiness you can give that one being. Wondering what kinda of personality my child would have, wondering if I and my husband created a son or daughter to join us in our journey in life.
After all the time I spent wondering how I wanted to tell the family & thinking I would invite them over to tell them all at once what the sex would be with a single bite of a gender cookie, I decided not to. I didn’t want the hassle of my big family over, would I have to have a dinner? Then my husband wouldn’t be there because it was a school night for him. Telling everyone through a phone call wouldn’t make it less amazing, but it would make it less of a mess for me.
Today was finally the day we would see our little baby, and how much he/she had grown since we last saw the baby when it was just a few weeks old.
Emery has gone to every appointment except for the first one. We wanted to have her with us to see the baby in my tummy and find out with us if she was going to have a baby brother or sister. She was the one that told some of the family “mommy’s having a baby” so maybe she should be the one to tell them what the baby would be.
Right away we could see the baby, as I laid in the dark with Victor and Emery sitting in a chair the lady said, “it’s a boy!”. I felt this baby would be a boy, me and my mother had dreamt of him as a boy. I would have been shocked if it was a girl. Emery was very excited to be having a baby brother. And I couldn’t ask for anything more than a healthy baby! Now I’m about to be a mother of two children soon, a beautiful daughter and I’m sure an equally amazing son. My life is complete!
The baby seems to have the same tiny little button nose Emery has and the same facial features. I can prepare and buy all boy things now, and I’m so excited to have him in my arms.
As for his name we are going with, Carlos Martin Calderon. I called my Aunt Mary Lou to have permission to use the name Martin. It was the name of her son that passed away almost five years ago. Martin and I became close before his passing and it so happens my husband was his best friend. We have a bond with him and he was an awesome person. Full of life and love.
Emery has lots of dolls, she has one doll she got for her first Easter. From the very begining the doll wasn’t a big hit with the extended family. The doll has fluffed wild red hair, at the time it was about the same size as my daughter, and had a silly bunny outfit.
A year later that dolls hand fell off. I didn’t want to throw away a whole doll just because her hand was gone. I had grown to love that doll even more because she wasn’t as “pretty” as the other typical baby dolls. I got her baby doll and sowed up her arm, I could have super glued her hand back to her arm onto the fabric but I didn’t have any super glue handy and her arm had already been off for awhile. She needed a quick fix so she could be loved again.
I decided this would be a good thing for her to have, a doll with a missing body part to show her we aren’t all made the same. Even though this doll had a hand to begin with sometimes other people are born with out limbs and things can always happen to us and we may lose them.
This isn’t her first experience with some one who’s “different”. Her uncle Richard has cerebral palsy, he’s loud and makes inaudible noises because he can’t speak. He pokes and grabs, so at an early age I had to explain to her to be careful around him. Later in life I’ll have to go in-depth but for now she know’s that’s her uncle, she loves him and he doesn’t mean to poke her.
While we enjoyed playing with her baby girl another misfortune happened. Suddenly her doll lost her other hand, and mommy had to do emergency surgery to stop the stuffing from coming out. In no time she was good as new! A different new, but she was loved just the same, as if she had arms. Emery doesn’t see anything different about her baby. If I ask her where her hands are she says, “there gone”. If I ask where her arms are she doesn’t question it, she points to her two stubs. Emery dances, plays and sleeps with her on occasion.
It gave me the idea, I want to start making dolls that are missing limbs. Not in a gothic kind of way but for children who are born like this or for other children to understand there’s nothing wrong or scary about it. It may be different but different isn’t bad.
A few months back I saw a picture on Facebook someone had posted. It was a how-to-do at home stepping stone kit. I had meant to do the project that day after Emery had woken up from her nap. For some reason I didn’t do it and every day after I wanted to start the project but never did. Finally I decided one day to make the stones with my friend and her son.
The picture called for-
1/2 cup of salt (I recommend getting some at the dollar store)
1/2 cup of flour
1/4 cup of water (give or take a little)
& bake at 200 for 3 hours.
The picture where I got the idea from says it’s a stepping stone, I wouldn’t recommend using it for a stepping stone. It’s too thin, not unless you want it outside in a cute little garden not for stepping on. If your making it for a child older than a toddler I would add a little more of everything except the baking time. Just guess as you go! Since Emery is only two her stone was thicker than her friends and looks a little brown in the center after it baked. While the 5 year old’s dough came out a little better since he as able to push down harder and his circle was bigger. So we could remember whose little hand belonged to who we used a thumb tack (anything small and sharp would work) and put their name and year in their little hand. I got the idea later to use food coloring for future memory stones.
When we put the stones in the oven to bake I just used a rectangle cookie sheet and sprayed non stick down just in case! I didn’t want our hard work to get stuck to the sheet.
It was a fun quick little keepsake project, good for a birthday gift, Fathers Day, Grandparents Day (coming up September 9th this year!) or any other special day of the year. Im using ours just to measure her little feet year by year.
I know recently I wrote about most of my symptoms I’ve been experiencing. There’s one I left out that’s pretty weird. I forgot all about it until it happened earlier this week. It happened to me when I was pregnant with Emery too. I hear voices, I know what it sounds like but let me explain!
Have you ever heard of pregnant women having really vivid dreams? It happens to a lot of us and I’m one of those people. In general I have some pretty crazy dreams but when I’m pregnant it feels real to a different extent.
With Emery I would hear my grandpa calling my name, as if he was outside my window trying to get my attention. A few times I replied back, that’s how real it is. But the weirdest one, the scariest one happened when I was laying in bed and I thought my husband came home early to surprise me. I pretended I was asleep and I heard him call out my name. Finally after a few seconds, I turned around and nobody was there. Sounds like ghost stories but my brain is just on over drive and I make up these noises up even though I’m asleep and not thinking of these things.
The other night I was asleep and all of a sudden I heard loud knocking at my bedroom door! I thought it was someone! I wondered why no one else woke up, then before I shook my husband up I realized no one else is in the house with us. I thought is it cops? Did our alarm go off and we slept through the phone calls? The knock never happened again. I laid in bed scared but knowing I had, for some reason made up that noise that woke me from my sleep.
I’m pretty superstitious and Its been said if you hear a door knock and know one is there then your inviting a spirit into the house. Well I was not about to open that door! If I made it up or not I just wanted to forget it! I remembered how much I hated having these things happen to me.
Though they seem to only happen when I’m asleep or in a sleep state It’s still pretty crazy to be woken up from a deep sleep to hear someone you know calling you or to hear a noise.
Every night we do the same few things, I get her pajama’s on, turn on the humidifier, get her cup of milk … or as Emery calls it, “milp” and we decide which baby she wants to sleep with that night.
It started with her Beanie Baby Dora and Boots and before I knew it she had them, her pink baby rabbit and baby tiger. Baby tiger is a new addition to her family after her cousin from out-of-town accidentally left it.
Before the 2012 Summer Olympics started we bought her a new Build-A-Bear to celebrate the games. Olympia, her special new bear has spent a few nights cuddling her to sleep.
Last year when her dad was gone we would say prayers every night, it’s something I’m sad we stopped after he came home, so I’m trying to get us back in the habit.
After getting everything together I give her a hug and tell her how much I love her and loved spending the day with her. Her Dad comes in and gives her a big hug and his good nights. Then he hovers her over her crib and she counts to 3 and he drops her in. Lights out with more I love yous.
As I leave the room I always wonder If we did enough things through out the day to make her grow and feel loved.