It finally happened …

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After years of talking about it, being frustrated, tired, sore, isolated, teased and “trying”. It finally happened. Carlos has been weaned off of “ninny” and I’m free of breastfeeding! Quick, someone hand me a beer! Not only am I not limited to how many I can have or at what hour I need to stop let’s be honest … this is a victory (for me anyway).

When Carlos turned one, every night during prayers I would tell him soon he wouldn’t have milk and how he really didn’t need it anymore. He was a big boy and how he could have milk or water in a cup. Every night he agreed by shaking his head that he understood. But, when push came to shove he didn’t follow through with our plan. For two years I tried telling him he was a big kid but every afternoon and night he would want “nin” to go to bed. And while breastfeeding is extremely easy, its that easiness that can get you in a deep whole of dependence. Hurt? crying? tired? here have some milk! When the answer is right in front of you (literally) it’s easy to just do it.

After feeding during the night he would wake up and want “nin” right away, and it was even to the point that he would cry about it. It was exhausting to be a prisoner to it. As much as I loved feeding him and bonding it was too much. Luckily my husband was very supportive and we didn’t feel a need to force him to stop but we agreed that he should stop before the age of 3 (which at this point was a month away). I could handle him crying but the real question was could the rest of the family deal with it in the middle of the night?

The Thanksgiving break seemed like my one and only shot and getting this right. Emery was out of school, little Victor wouldn’t be home and maybe we could politely ask dad to leave the room for the week while I learned how to put a baby to bed without milk.

First night was a disaster. I almost gave in. Carlos was screaming his head off … and when I say screaming I don’t mean crying really loud, I mean sitting there full force screaming until he got his way. While I ignore the sound, dad has a harder time letting go of control and I was in between two alpha male personalities howling at each other (wow, that sounds much nicer than it was). Eventually the screaming subsided, he asked for an orange (normally I would not give him food late or in bed but if it was to calm him down, sure take an orange) and he fell a sleep. He woke once asked for it and went back to bed. Hallelujah!
The next few days followed suite, but with less screaming. He hasn’t taken naps unless they are in the car because I don’t know how to give him a nap with out milk and he wont take a nap during the day. Once a day he’ll ask for “ninny” jokingly or just to say it but doesn’t fuss or bother about it. How fast he was weaned has been amazing.

Still nights can be hard and I think if he was breastfeed he would be a sleep right now and I could do my crafting or be out of the bedroom instead of him forcing me to be in  the room with him. That is our newest big struggle, and personally I feel some what useless now; Carlos has made huge strides in the past 3 months, potty trained and weaned … where do I fit in? My baby is now a big boy … something I wanted but now that it has happened I feel kind of empty. I see him tired but I cant help to put him to bed, he’s hurt and I cant comfort him like the way I know how and lately I’ve had a hard time sleeping. I wake up at night and I see everyone sleeping comfortably and all through the night and I’m tossing and turning wanting to feed someone haha. Maybe not that last part but I think I am use to wake up several times at night that I’m finding it weird to just be me again.

 

 

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