Its been 752 days of breastfeeding. My Child’s pediatrician thinks I’m a real Hail Mary and while the pats on the back and fist raised in the air by other breastfeeding moms makes me feel good, I really feel defeated and used. I’ve been here before, 3 years ago with Emery. This time it’s different (isn’t it always?). With Emery if you recall or read before – she was 1 1/2 and after many failed attempts we both decided it was time to stop. She’s always been that kind of person, when she wants to do or not to something she does it. Breastfeeding Emery I was really sick and tired literally. She would barely drink and then she would fall asleep. It was a comfort thing for her. I think it’s a comfort thing for most babies, It’s all they know their whole lives! And that’s what I struggle with, how can I take the only thing they know how to fall asleep and be comforted with away? They scream and cry and beg or milk.
Carlos’ case is different – He drinks milk and he wont let me unlatch. I don’t realize until I wake up mad from my back aching that I’ve been in the same side position for hours (did I mention he’s a co sleeper?). Now that I’m typing this all out loud for the world to read I’m starting to think I’m letting him be too attached. How can I stop this? I don’t want it to be this way!
I tried the cup of warm milk, he drank one drink to humor me and cried. I’ve tried watching a movie to fall asleep with minimal success. I’ve gotten the advice of not offering anything so he doesn’t get attached to a cup for bed or do I just give water?
Do I let him scream it out at 12 am when I have a 11-year-old who needs to go to school and a 4-year-old in the next room who is trying to sleep?
Help! I need mom advice!
A mom who is lost.
The last time I wrote about my little one, was 4 months ago. Four months later, he’s grown into a sweet, playful, little boy. It’s funny to look back at those pictures already and see his changes. He has much more hair now, 5 teeth with 3 more on the way, a little playful personality.
I always think my kids are older than they are until I get a reality check. To me, Carlos has always been a big baby. He just grew so fast and got his teeth 7 months quicker than his sister did. But, this weekend while I was holding him and walking up to our car, I caught a reflection of us. It took me off guard and I stood there looking at him and I. I didn’t realize my baby is still just a little baby. As fast as he’s been growing and learning he still needs to be held. Ever since that day he hasn’t been my big boy, he’s been my little boy again. A few months after he was born I was so bummed out, I felt like I didn’t have enough pictures of him as a little baby. Taking care of him, Emery and the house got in the way of me making time to take lots of pictures. I complained to a friend of mine on how big he was already and not a little baby anymore. She laughed, and said, “He’s only 2 months”. In that 2 months their features change so fast but she was right, he was still a little baby and I was already acting like he was about to graduate College.
Carlos is understand words and responding by smiles or grunts. I’ve been working on sign language with him for easier communication. Our main signs are, “finish”, “Sister”, “Mom”, “Dad”, “Brother”, “water” and “thank you”. He watches my hands and studies them but has yet to use one. Now that Carlos is crawling he’s determined to start walking. He stands up on everything, which means he’s falling down a lot losing his balance. He’s gotten a lot better and now he sits on his legs. A big one for me is that he now can crawl and sit and sit and crawl. This just happened. Before this he wasn’t much of a sitter! He only ever wanted to stand or to be on the ground.
And slowly but surely my husband and myself are introducing some “real” food to him. Carlos only wants table food, he’s very interested in it and I’m sure has caught on that his baby food isn’t as good tasting as ours is. We are hesitant when it comes to food because of choking. As parents, I think that’s the one thing we baby the kids on. Carlos is completely ready for it, so we have to get with the program and have started buying him the next step in baby food. He’s been doing a good job chewing it and using those teeth he has. His favorite “big kid” food is saltine crackers.
In another four months this little one will have grown more than I can imagine right now. We will be celebrating his one year birthday. Everyday I’m grateful he’s in my life. I can wait to see the ways he grow and who he becomes.
8 months old
When I was pregnant with Carlos, I would get dizzy spells. I would just be sitting down and all of a sudden I would see sparks. I thought about putting a red dot on the number 9 on my phone, and two red dots on the 1. This way if anything happened to me, Emery would know to press 9 once and the 1 twice. I also put her Dad and her Great Grandma’s picture and phone number on my home screen. She already knew how to turn my phone on and mess with it, so it was easy for her to use. She could just press the picture and it would dial the number for her. These were the two people most likely to answer their phone or at least call back right away.
Now that Emery knows her number recognition, I’ve been teaching her how to identify them on the phone in case I needed her help. I told her if she found me on the floor and I didn’t answer, she should check to see if I’m breathing by putting her finger under my nose to feel the air. I practiced this with her the other day, I told her, “don’t forget to check if I’m breathing!” while I laid on the ground. She came up to me and plugged my nose. I jumped up! “Emery I can’t breathe!” her response, “Well Mom, I’m not a Doctor, I’m a patient”. I couldn’t help but to laugh. Of course she’s right, she’s only two.
So, I think we will stick to the basics and save the CPR class for another day.
Long time no post, sorry for being absent so long. Blogs slipt my mind for a while when I was pregnant. All of the being sick all day and night really got to me. It was a long 9 months for me while I awaited the arrival of our son.
Turns out he needed to be induced, he wouldn’t come out on his own. I was scheduled to go in on a Wednesday at 3:00 on January 16, now I can’t remember the details of times anymore but around 6 p.m. that night I was given Cervical to get my cervix going and help induce labor. The Nurses said it could put me into labor fast because this is my second child and my body knows what to do, or it could be the waiting game. My contractions at this point were low and I didn’t feel a thing. Both my husband and I went to bed at an early 10 or 11 o’clock after walking the halls a dozen times to help my body speed up the delivery.
At 12:00 a.m. I woke up to what I thought were stomach aches. I was uncomfortable and then I realized, “Krystal, you’re in the Hospital, it might be contractions!”. As I layed there a little longer I felt a warm trickle, I thought I was peeing myself only I couldn’t stop it from happening. I wobbled myself into the restroom and realized it wasn’t pee, there was blood everywhere. I yelled for Victor to wake up and get a Nurse. It scared the crap out of me, the Dr.s call it, “the blood show” but I never had one with Emery and I wasn’t sure if what I was going through was normal.
Turns out is wasn’t. But then again whats normal when you’re having a child, every thing is different for everyone just like pregnancies. The Nurses helped me back into bed and called in about 5 other Nurses, the lights came on and everyone was in a panic. They called for a Doctor to come check me out and see why I was loosing so much blood. My Husbands face was white like a ghost, as if he were going to faint. He looked terrified. That look he had scared me more than the medical team rushing around me, for a second I thought, “what if I die at giving birth”.
Speculation started that my placenta might be coming off the wall, causing all the bleeding. Eventually the Midwife concluded that my body was just reacting fast to the Cervical. There was nothing they could do for the bleeding and the baby was still fine, he didn’t have a fast heart rate or a low heart rate indicating a problem.
By 4 a.m. I needed help, I had been laying in bed with the worst pain in my life. These were way worst than anything I had the first time around with Emery. Maybe it was because they came so fast but I was gripping the bed rail for dear life cussing under my breath. I couldn’t take it any longer and I buzzed for the Nurse. She gave me something in my I.V. that made me loopy and I fell asleep. The medicine was supposed to last an hour but it wore off in 20 minutes. I was back to gripping my rail and cursing. By 6 a.m. that sweet Angel walked into the room with the epidural.
After that I was so relaxed, no more being tensed up, I was able to joke around. By this time it was 8 a.m. and Victor had left to get my mom. I was checked again to see how far I was dilated (by the way, that’s the second worst feeling in the whole world). I was at 6 cm and the Midwife broke my water.
At 11 a.m. I felt the pressure. I was uncomfortable again. It felt like I had to poop. I’ve heard people say that before but i never experienced it myself until now. With Emery I didnt feel anything I just pushed, this time it was pressure. I had to keep myself from pushing. The Nurse did one last check and said she felt hair. My baby boy had hair! such an awesome thing to have someone be able to feel that. The Midwife was called up to Labor and Delivery, she was down stairs in the Ob/Gyn with appointments. After a long wait, 9 months and 42 weeks of anticipation it was go time.
I will say one thing, knowing why you feel the way you do with the contraction pain, is better than hurting with all that pain and not knowing whats wrong with yourself. I knew the end was coming soon and all that pain was for a reason. Soon I would be holding my son and able to see what he looked like. After months of many people asking me, “are you ready”, I was finally at a confident “YES”, Lets get this baby out! I knew what I had to do and my body was ready, I was struggling not to push. Like Emery I couldn’t feel my contractions, I just pushed until I was told to stop. Labor lasted 10 minutes and with three big pushes he was here, Carlos Martin Calderon my son in my arms born on January 17 at 12:45 p.m. born with the help of Midwife Spaberg, the same Midwife that delivered Emery. Victor has never cut his children’s umbilical cord. With his first son he was deployed overseas with the Navy. With Emery had the umbilical cord wrapped around her head at birth preventing him from cutting it and Carlos had the same issue. He had the cord around his neck, I felt so bad for my husband. We knew this was our last child and he still wouldn’t be able to cut the cord. Of course we wanted the cords off the baby’s necks as fast as possible but still I couldn’t help feeling bad for him. Umbilical cord knots occur in about one in every hundred pregnancies.
The Nurse heard he hadn’t ever cut his children’s cords before so she left it long enough for him to cut it. I was so happy for him and for us having a healthy baby boy. The last baby born into this family, we are now complete with two boys and a daughter. Couldn’t ask for anymore or be any happier.
7.15 oz at birth and 19.5″
In my second trimester I got off Zofran for my sickness. I wouldn’t say it was morning sickness it was an all day any time sickness. Luckily I was able to stop taking it but still had a few episodes. Heading into my third trimester I was starting to get that sick feeling right away when I woke up. I would have to eat something carby like a muffin to take it away. I’m not a breakfast person and especially being sick I don’t want to even try eggs!
After seeing the Doctor a few weeks ago I mentioned in passing how I was getting sick again. Didn’t think it was a big deal, and I had read that it was typical to get that sick feeling again.
The Doctor seemed to think I had acid reflux right away. Never expected that! I didn’t have a burning feeling and I just thought it was me being pregnant. Guess not. She gave me Zantac to take twice a day before I get sick. I’m really bad at taking pills. I only remember my prenatal vitamins and everything else is an IF I remember to take it kinda thing. Bad I know but im trying.
It’s hard being so sick you need to eat but sick you don’t want to eat let alone make anything and then once you do … hello porcelain bowl. Guess I should be learning my lesson and have a pill next to the bed as soon as I wake up.
Every women carries different, carrying low for boy and high for girl is a myth. To go along with that the high heart beat doesn’t pan out either. With Emery my stomach was really high and I had a hard time breathing. She also had the typical high heart rate ranging from 150 to 160. When we would go to the Naval Hospital the Midwife told us usually if the babies heart rate is consistently high it would be a girl. It was true for Emery. Carlos started off at a heart rate from 140 – 150, I thought it was high and we thought maybe it would be another girl.
“By the beginning of the 9th week of pregnancy, the normal fetal heart rate is an average of 175 BPM. At this point it begins a rapid deceleration to the normal fetal heart rate for the middle of the pregnancy of about 120-180 BPM.”
With Carlos I started carrying low like a typical boy. I thought it was “normal” and getting higher like it was with Emery but I noticed every time I would sit down he would start kicking, he was always real low and I would have to lay down or sit back to get comfortable. I didn’t think much of it at first because he was still growing but at the 26th week (the end of my second trimester) I feel like this baby should be higher. My pregnancy pants are uncomfortable, if they have a band it hurts. So I’ve been stuck in yoga pants and my one pair of jeans with the elastic that goes over the stomach. Then my mom would say I was carrying different than I was with Emery. Typically they say boys are lower, however it’s not necessarily true. Everyone carries different. This week a friend came over and right away said I was totally different than I was with Emery too. It was kinda funny because I just started realizing I am carrying lower. Two weeks ago I went to the Doctors for a regular check up. The Dr. asked if I had back pain, ( I always seem to remember my pains a few hours after leaving the Doctors office, after I’ve had time to really think about the question) I told her yes, but nothing I would complain about. I have had back pain since I was in middle school and occasional back pain from the pregnancy. For some reason I had forgotten the times at home my back had gone out and I couldn’t walk or how before my pregnancy I was in therapy for my back! The Dr. sent in an order anyway for a Belly Cradle. As shown in the picture in the link, it goes under my stomach, around my back and across my chest. The first night I tried it on and right after taking it off I really noticed a difference. It held my stomach up slightly more and helped my back. I only need to wear it during the day but I find it getting in the way of my already restricted wardrobe. It’s still so hot in Central California that all I want to wear is a tank top and whatever pants I have to wear if I’m not home wearing my comfy pants. Wearing the Belly Cradle, I can only wear T-shirts because of how it fits across my chest. I don’t have many maternity shirts that are short-sleeved that will cover my chest. I have plenty of long sleeve shirts but I can’t wear them now. So I find myself wearing my cradle at home when I can or if I find a shirt that fits my growing belly. It’s a small complaint for something that will save my back as this little boy grows faster and faster in weight and soon with the cooler weather it wont be an issue.
This one came out of left field. It happened a few times, we would be playing around and instead of kissing me on the cheek or sometimes just as a surprised BAM! A lick on the side of the face! Kinda funny but I start to think … is she licking everyone? Where did she get this from?
Emery often comes up with a lot of things by herself, I think this is one of them. She only seems to lick my face in a playing manner. She gets all wound up and goes for it, her dad says she sticks her tongue out a few times before she goes for it. I can’t see because I’m usually laughing or messing around not paying attention to her right before it happens. He seems to think its bond we have, where she only does it with me. Thats fine I just don’t want her licking everyone’s face. I really don’t even want it to happen to me! I get paranoid with the make up on my face making her sick.
After she started that, I caught her a few times licking her fingers and touching her chalk board. I hate chalk, I don’t like to touch it, I don’t like to hear it, I really just can’t stand it. So you can imagine how I felt when I saw her licking her finger and the board. Since then I catch her all the time! Licking her arm and licking her fingers and touching things.
Mostly I’m worried about her getting sick. I don’t want her to get anything because she had her fingers in her mouth or put something in her mouth she shouldn’t have. We’ve been out of the house a lot these past few weeks and her little hands have been all over everything. I clean them with a wipe, hand sanitizer and water and soap of course when I can. I don’t want to go over board and be paranoid about it. In the back of my mind I’m cautious about the things I say or how I act towards certain situations so that I don’t freak her out of make her scared of anything. For example I’m not an animal person by any means, and Emery loves all animals. She runs in the grass at night with the frogs lurking in the dark. I on the other hand will stay on the cement away from the edges, in case a creepy crawler comes my way. I pretend everything is alright but inside im screaming, “get inside the house! those ugly frogs are everywhere and I can’t help you”.
Anyways I have digressed and went on an animal rant. I guess as long as I keep telling her to stop and she’s not licking animals I’ll survive this stage.